Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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