Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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