Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
