remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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