I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
