Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
