Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
