No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She needs sedatives and a leash
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
