Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
