Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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