You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
