i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
