well you can't waste a boner
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
