Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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