Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
