are you so shy because you have an std?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
