my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
