I showed him my bush... on skype.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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