I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
