My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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