what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
