Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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