Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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