My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
