about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
