I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
