Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
