I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
