Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
