I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
