I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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