You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
