it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
