she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
