Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
babies were throwing up all over the place
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
