life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
