I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
