I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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