If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
