Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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