I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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