She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
