Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
