In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
