i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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