the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
