If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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