we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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