Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
