omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
