The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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