Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
