Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
